Can you Digg it?

Threading a movie projector. Easy.

Losing 50 lbs. before my best bud’s wedding. Piece of Cake.

Laying off 75 people on Christmas Eve. No problem.

Walking out the front door this morning…It practically made me sick to my stomach. I didn’t want to go, but knew it would be completely foolhardy to stay. I tried to maintain my composure even though I had already broken down the night before. I can still see her standing there wearing the jersey I intentionally left behind as we mouth “I love you” through the rental car window as it passes by on it’s way to the airport. I can only hold the tears back for short periods of time before emotion overwhelms me and the floodgates break with staggering force. I hide behind a pair of sunglasses to mask my instability as the pain seemingly grows and grows the further away from her I get. During the layover I call a friend who is supposed to pick me up when I land, and a combination of his consoling words and a couple large pilsners of beer at the airport bar seem to temporarily quell the emotional typhoon that this day has become.

I knew it would be hard when I had to return home, but I NEVER could’ve prepared myself for how gut-wrenchingly painful it truly turned out to be. I feel physically, emotionally and spiritually drained. My thoughts immediately turn to her for solace, but that’s what has caused this chaotic rollercoaster to become derailed in the first place. She has become both the curse and the cure and yet I am still dreadfully, hopefully and eternally in love with her. For as much pain as I feel right now, I wouldn’t trade away ANY of it.